


Deleted Scene: On the Brink

by paladin_cleric_mage



Series: My Heroes Had the Heart [12]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-16 21:06:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16502714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paladin_cleric_mage/pseuds/paladin_cleric_mage
Summary: July 1991Corresponding Chapter: 70





	Deleted Scene: On the Brink

Against Joyce’s judgement-- perpetually proven better than his own-- he follows Billy onto the porch. Dying sun of early summer, casts a beautiful light on Billy through dancing leaves. There is a tragedy to it, somehow, a melancholy that chills Jim’s bones. His charge, this damaged young man before him, is as precious as he is fragile. Any wrong move can send him running, and if he runs, he may never come back.

Billy appears to be struggling with that very notion, balanced on the edge of the porch, facing the driveway that could take him to town. To step off the porch is to step into sickness, but to retreat inside is to face the same demons he ran from before. Jim has the foresight to know that the opportunity for full-circle healing should always be taken. There is no way to explain that to Billy.

Cautiously Jim draws close. “Hey. Talk to me.”

He turns his head and shrugs, exhausted. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Yeah? You’re still pale from what you saw back there.” He thumbs toward the house, where he knows without a doubt in his head the other three are listening.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Oh, I’d expect it. I’m just pointing out, there’s somethin to discuss.”

Billy turns his whole body now, shoulders square to Jim. He is distraught, the same frenzied grief that Dustin wore around the time of Steve’s funeral. How can a loss so long ago weigh like present chains, creating slaves of masterful hurt?

“You warned me about the BMW,” Billy says, “and I appreciate it. Really. But why wouldn’t you tell me about this? I-- I don’t even know her.”

“That could change.” Truly he has no idea how to respond.

“I don’t want it to! This is hard enough without being violated by her circus tricks, or seeing my old earring and Steve’s goddamn  _ teeth  _ on a necklace! Jesus, what kind of freak family is this?”

“One that makes it work."

Billy scoffs. “Tell me, do you let her do this to everyone, or just felons?”

“She isn’t supposed to do it to anyone, and I have no control over how she chooses to use her powers.”

“Obviously.” He looks to the wood beneath their feet, finding his pockets and hiding his hands. “There’s no need for her to look in my head, Jim. Everyone knows exactly how dark it is.”

“Not everyone. If you talk to her, I think you’ll see how much you have in common.”

He keeps his eyes down. “What could I possibly have in common with her?”

Reflecting upon what little he, Joyce, and Will divulged about El, Jim sees how her enigmatic mystery is perceived as an attack; another problem heaped on top of the many Billy already has. For alcoholics and those who are mentally ill, problems can become perfect justification to escape. He also factors in the sparse interactions she has had with Billy. On one hand he can count them. Pizza and makeup night. Eggo extravaganzas, followed by a snow day. Neil’s funeral, the day Billy turned eighteen. And finally, the smallest interaction which continues to carry the heaviest impact: keeping Billy alive when he begged her to take his life.

_ I was in his head when he realized what he had done,  _ El told them, just shy of three months ago.  _ He is afraid of me _ . To Billy she is a sorceress, a witch, a goddess. A power greater than himself. She is capable of giving him the gift he’s always wanted, and is not yet destined to receive. Death. Or, as El likes to say,  _ the ultimate freedom.  _ She chose not mercy but punishment for Billy, and that is a power she still holds.

“You’re not really afraid of her powers, are you?” He shifts his weight to the other leg. “You’re afraid of what she’ll find out. You’re afraid she’ll punish you again.”

“This whole life has been a punishment,” he mumbles. Jim doesn’t reply, and after a moment Billy adds, “Yeah. I am scared of what she’ll find out. Everyone seems to know more about me than I do, and she of all people could use whatever’s in here against me.” He taps his temple with two fingers. A gun. How his father went out, Jim thanks God above that Billy hasn’t gone.

“Listen,” he begins. The sunlight is fading, bringing soft grey around their shoulders. “ Expect me to love you. Expect me to take care of you. But do not expect me to be a perfect person. I never have been, and I won’t start now.”

Finally Billy lifts his chin, face a twisted puzzle. “I thought we were talking about El.”

“We are. I forgot to tell you she made a totem necklace. Maybe now’s the time to tell you that Dustin to this day still wears that pendant of yours. He added a charm to it. A feather Steve gave him in the void.”

“The void?”

“It’s a place El can go in her head. Since Will’s got clairvoyance, too, they brought Dustin in to see Steve. This was years ago, after your father died, and as far as I know they haven’t gone in again. At least not to see Steve. But Dustin keeps that necklace to remember his big brother, who you were a part of.”

He can hardly breathe. “Why does El wear…?”

“Same reason. She isn’t against you, Billy. No one is. Except you.”

“I’m against myself?”

Jim shrugs. “I’m just guessin.”

Billy nods.

“You don’t have to talk to her right away. Shit, you don’t even have to stay. Just tonight, give it a try not being scared of her. What do you say?”

“Yeah. I can try it.”

The rest of the night passes without incident, and El’s honey vanilla cupcakes are impressive.

But in the morning Billy isn't there.

  
  



End file.
